Enjoying Exercise in Spite of Obstacles
by Kitty Sarkozy
I am fat and I love exercise. My day just doesn’t feel right without physical activity.
I do aerobics, yoga, dance and weightlifting when I intentionally exercise, but I unintentionally exercise a lot too, gardening and cleaning mostly. Today I moved a bunch of bricks, did a good bit of digging and some raking.
However, I understand how exercise can increase ones body hatred.
I don’t like going to the gym, because when people see me working out, sweating, pushing myself they feel they have to say something. They ask “How much have you lost?” and “How much are you trying to lose?”.
That hurts, because there I am using my body the way I want, feeling good for my strength or speed and some stranger walks up and implies that my body isn’t good enough.
Note from Issa: Jeanette DePatie makes “The Fat Chick Works Out” workout videos for people of all ages and shapes, including “klutzes, wimps, and absolute beginners”. She will NOT shame your body, your abilities, or your motives.
I try to ignore it, but I get so mad sometimes. I don’t want a flat tummy and my arms are always going to jiggle. I am OK with that, but the TV person sells their videos by telling people their bodies are not good enough.
Recently I have lost weight. I want to say that I feel neutral about this, but I don’t. I feel weird about it sometimes. I find myself thinking “Maybe I should diet, I bet I could lose a few more pounds” and “Maybe I shouldn’t eat that food or so much of it”.
When those thoughts happen I try to logic them away, but they are still always on the edge, and I don’t like that. I love food and the food at my house is amazing. I don’t want to count calories or manage my portions. I feel like sometimes my brain is a traitor, thinking hurtful things about my body.
For right now, I am going to keep exercising for a few reasons. First and most importantly because I like it. But also, because it is my fucking body and I will beat these feelings, I will not let professional thin people tell me that my body is “wrong” and let myself believe it.
I exercise because I am still the boss of this body. {Tweet this.}
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